after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
