Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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