I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
