I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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