I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize