i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
