I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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