I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
