I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
