then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Houston, we have a blender
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am available for nakedness
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
