My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
