i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
