And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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