what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
