you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
