I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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