I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
