in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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