we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
