That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
