yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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