i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
