As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
