Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
