hell yes lets make some ravioli
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
