Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
