when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
