This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
