By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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