dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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