a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
