I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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