The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
