i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
