I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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