Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
