He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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