who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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