ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
