think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
