I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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