Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
