i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
