My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
