It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
