i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
