so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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