She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i may or may not be watching the land before time
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize