I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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