i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
