i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
