I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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