I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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