Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
