Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
