I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
