My friends, they love my intelligence
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
