Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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