too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
