my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
