All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
