Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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