I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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