I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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