and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
