why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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