Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
