doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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